Cause for alarm.

A cruel reality is coming home completely exhausted and then realizing that your alarm clock is broken. What is even more distressing, however, is running to the store under the illusion that you'll be able to go in, grab an alarm clock and leave without using any brain power whatsoever.

I entered Target after waiting for two miserable, slightly incoherent hours for said store to open. I showed great restraint by walking past all the shiny baubles that I would normally stop and gawk at. Finally, I reached the VERY back of the store where they hide their electronic devices.

Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you this in all honesty: they have alarm clocks that let you record messages. They have alarm clocks that display the time via projector onto your wall. They have alarm clocks that you can dock your iPod into. They have alarm clocks that tell you the weather. They have princess alarm clocks with towers that will impale your hand as you search desperately for the 'snooze' button. They do not, however, have an alarm clock that runs off of battery and wall plug-in that will show you the time and allow you to dial into your favorite radio station.

During my tiny existential crisis, four or five Target employees came and asked if I needed any help. What they didn't realize was that I was far beyond help at this point. Instead of continuing to stand, slack-jawed and pondering my own reality in public, I sheepishly grabbed the simplest alarm clock they sold. I ejected myself from the store as fast as I could and went home to teach myself how to use my shiny new gadget.

I honestly haven't had this much trouble choosing the right product since I witlessly decided to just "run by Walgreens for some toothpaste", but that's another story entirely. As for now, my BRAND NEW ALARM CLOCK (!!!) is set and ready to wake me up for another day of work.